Cloudy Skies & Clay Jars

EfM is teaching me to think in metaphors.

I am NOT gonna talk about Epiphany until that feast day, but this evening I got to thinking about that ” wilderness” metaphor that my spiritual director gave me to ponder until I next meet with him.  I am out of that hideous spiritual wilderness that was my previous Protestant church but some things seem to suck me into the dark, starless night of the familiar but totally cold & dark spirutual wilderness that I was in before I came to The Episcopal  Church.

I remember that wilderness all too well & it scared the * crap* out of me. My biggest fear is that people in my life whom I love dearly will  me, as I’ve been hurt in the past. Part of the reason why I am in such need of  spiritual direction is that I AM still suffering from the hurts of that ” wilderness experience”. Thanks be to God I am working with a priest in my Diocese who is  very experienced with working with souls that need help.

 I am one of those clay jars that , after having been shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces by years of rough abuse by its owner. , is held together by Elmers’ School Glue. I feel like anyone who knows me in person can see the scars & the  cracks where I have lovingly, but with hands of an amateur, been glued together. The cracks are visible both to myself & others.

But I know I am a treasure in a clay jar, and even though  this ” clay jar” is held together with little more than sticky white paste, the stuff inside is good. As my Irish Roman Catholic Grandfather said to me once” Sarah, God don’t make no junk.” Amen to that..I am not, ” junk” & I must  remember, as I am re-membering a  loosely held together, that what is inside is of God.

In these cloudy days ahead I am reminded by today’s Psalm:

” May God be merciful & bless  us, show the light of His Contenance and come to us.

Let YOUR ways be known upon Earth

your saving health among all nations” { PS 67 1-2}

I need the Light of God that is His Son, Jesus to shine upon me & those whom I love. But I also must remember, as I am re-membering my broken clay jar, that God’s ways { not Sarah’s ways} are to be what is known & trusted.

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